he says he is a (high school) detective
by justjoy
Summary: We all know whose fault this whole mess is.


for the prompt: DCMK characters end up in Night Vale.

* * *

"None of this makes any _sense_ ," Conan says plaintively.

"You're a high schooler shrunk to a six-year-old, Kudou-kun," answers Haibara, still sounding like her usual calm self. "Perhaps you're not the best judge of such matters."

His glare at her only yields a nonchalant shrug in return.

(The scientist looks just about as unruffled as her voice would suggest, though the mild curiosity with which she's regarding their surroundings is giving him – to put it colloquially – the _heebies jeebies_.

Whatever it is that's going through her mind right now, Conan doesn't want any part in it – because, apparently, there are more things in heaven and earth than turning into a perfectly normal six-year-old.)

There's something in the sky which is either a glowing cloud or the world's strangest disco ball, and a public library with no apparent means of entry or exit, and a whole group of impossibly tall figures with even more improbable features –

– and he thinks he just saw a literal _dragon_ fly past, pursued by numerous vehicles and helicopters and various forms of shrubbery, and –

– it's Noah's Ark all over again. Either that, or they've all gone mad, though unless he's been drugged (again) Conan doesn't actually think his imagination is capable of coming up with all this.

But there's literally no other explanation.

"I must agree with you, Edogawa-kun," comes a distinctly resigned voice from his other side – Hakuba is dressed in an unfamiliar school uniform, desert sand showing up starkly against the dark blue. "Though I'm not quite certain that Occam's Razor applies in this situation."

As one, the detectives turn to look at the last member of their group.

"What? It's not like I'm responsible for every weird thing that happens!" protests the Kaitou Kid – whose suit is still a pristine white, despite the frankly astronomical odds against it.

Even Haibara gives him a disbelieving look at that one, and Kid wilts a little.

"Okay, fine, I usually am, but not this! Do you actually _think_ I'm capable of creating a portal to take all of us to an alternate dimension or…" he waves one gloved hand at their surroundings, "whatever this is?"

It is nice, Conan notes rather vindictively, to see the Kaitou Kid at a loss for once.

"I don't know about that, _Kid_." Hakuba's voice is drier than even the desert they're in, though Conan wonders briefly about the emphasis he'd placed on the name – as if he wanted to say something else in its place. Perhaps Hakuba had been spending too much time around Nakamori-keibu. "But if anyone was going to find a way of doing that I'd lay fairly good odds on it being you."

"I'm flattered, tantei-san, but – " Kid pauses midsentence when a new figure approaches their group.

"Excuse me, um…" says the man, who's wearing a labcoat over a flannel shirt and jeans. "Do you speak English?"

Hakuba is the first to respond, switching seamlessly to English. "The two of us are fluent, yes."

"As are those two kids," Kid adds smoothly, earning a look of surprise from Hakuba and a low mutter of _nosy thief_ from Haibara.

The man – Carlos the Scientist, according to the label on his labcoat – smiles, looking relieved. "Oh, praise the beams, I was worried that I'd have to get Cecil or one of the Erikas to translate!"

 _…_ one _of the Erikas?_ Conan wonders, but discards that in favour of more important questions. "Where are we? And how do we get back?"

The man's smile turns somewhat sheepish. "Well, one of those questions is easier to answer than the other. I imagine that you have no idea how you got here?"

Four identical shakes of the head ensue.

"That's not so uncommon around here, I'm afraid," says Carlos as he gestures for them to follow him as he pulls out his handphone and starts walking – by unspoken agreement Hakuba walks in front with Haibara while Kid falls into step beside Conan.

"But as for your first question…" and here Carlos looks back at them, a small grin on his face. "Welcome to Night Vale, everyone."


End file.
